Sort of Calm

I've been surprised by how calmly I’ve handled this termination experience.

Maybe it’s the “wisdom of age”:  I’ve been through job changes, either voluntarily or enforced, several times now.  I know it isn’t the end of the world.  I’ll survive one way or another with another job.  Hopefully the new job will be exciting, stimulating, and financially rewarding.  But, if not, if it ends up being just another place to bide my time until something else comes along, I can do that too.

Maybe it’s my situation:   I don’t have children at home to support.  It’s just me.  I can live cheaply.  If I have to sell my house, I won’t be happy, but it won’t be unbearable.  I should be able to get out at least what I’ve put into it.

Maybe it’s a needed change:  I was amazed at how much fun it was to change jobs last year.  I clearly and emotionally remember the joy of driving a new path to work, discovering a new community, making new friends.  After 13 years at one business, the change was intellectually and emotionally gratifying.  Unfortunately that environment at my former employer was so unstable it was difficult to bond with the business itself.  Every several months I’d think, “I’ve got to get out of here before the ax falls.”   I should have listened to my intuition.  

Maybe it's being home:  I’ve loved being home this last week.  Most people do, I suppose.  There is  so much to do, harvest the garden produce and can it.  Perform housewifely activities like hanging sheets on the line, rearranging the living room, scrubbing the floors.  I’ve worn a scarf on my head and apron most of the time.  There is time for a bike ride with friends, and to cook dinner for my granddaughter and son who are often here to eat.    The challenge is to devise a way to support myself from home. 

Maybe it's an opportunity:   It feels like an opportunity, maybe my last, to insist on an occupation that fulfills my dreams. 

Is it possible?  We’ll see.